Dear Daughters: 10 Things I Hope You Unlearn

My sweet girls,

International Women’s Day always makes me think about what we celebrate… and what we survive.

It’s a day that honours women’s strength, yes, but I also feel this quiet pull to look at the invisible things women are taught to carry. The rules we inherit without realizing. The expectations we absorb before we even have words for them. The ways we learn to shrink, apologize, and “be good” long before we learn to be free.

So this is a letter to you.
And, honestly, it’s also a letter to the younger versions of me because I’m still unlearning too.

Here are ten things I hope you unlearn as you grow into yourselves.

1) Unlearn that your worth is something you earn

I hope you never confuse being valuable with being productive. The world will reward you for achieving, performing, pleasing, and pushing. It will clap when you’re “doing the most.” And it can start to feel like your worth only exists when you’re accomplishing something. But you are worthy on the days you win, and the days you can barely get out of bed. You are worthy when you’re loud, when you’re quiet, when you’re unsure, when you’re changing your mind.

Let your value be a given, not a prize.

What I’m practicing: resting without explaining why, celebrating effort, and reminding myself that I don’t need to “earn” love.

2) Unlearn that your body is a project to fix

Your body is not a before-and-after photo. Your body is not a problem you solve. Not a thing you “finally get under control.” Not a project you’re always improving, so you can feel allowed to live.

Your body is your home. It is the place where your life happens. I hope you learn to respect your body for what it does, not only how it looks. For its strength, its resilience, its ability to carry you through hard seasons. For being on your side even when the world tries to convince you it shouldn’t be.

What I’m practicing: moving to build energy, not to punish. Speaking to my body with respect, even when I don’t feel like it.

3) Unlearn that food is moral

Food is not “good” or “bad.”

You are not “good” or “bad” for what you eat.

I hope you never spend your life bargaining with hunger, feeling guilty for being human, or believing you have to earn your meal. I hope you never learn to fear food the way so many women are taught to.

Food is fuel. Food is culture. Food is comfort. Food is joy. Food is information. Sometimes it’s just food. And you deserve to eat without a side of shame.

What I’m practicing: asking “how do I want to feel?” instead of “how do I need to control this?” Letting meals be normal.

4) Unlearn that discomfort means you’re failing

Some discomfort is a sign you’re doing something new - not something wrong. Growth can feel awkward. Confidence can feel unfamiliar. Saying no can feel scary. Taking up space can feel like you’re breaking a rule. And sometimes discomfort is your body telling you you need care, support, or rest.

Either way, discomfort is not proof that you can’t. It’s often proof that you’re learning.

What I’m practicing: pausing when something feels hard and asking, “Is this growth… or is this a boundary?” Both answers are valid.

5) Unlearn that your voice is “too much.”

You will meet people who want you to be quieter because your honesty makes them uncomfortable. I hope you learn to speak anyway.

Your voice is not a problem. Your emotions are not an inconvenience. Your clarity is not “intense.” Your boundaries are not “dramatic.” You’re allowed to express your needs without watering them down into something more palatable.

Say the thing. Say it kindly, say it clearly.

What I’m practicing: speaking with fewer qualifiers. Replacing “sorry” with “thank you.” Holding my ground without raising my volume.

On International Women’s Day…

I hope you inherit choice.

The choice to take up space.
To rest.
To set boundaries.
To eat without guilt.
To move your body with kindness.
To speak.
To ask for help.
To become a woman who feels like she belongs to herself.

And if you ever forget, come back to this: you were never meant to earn your place in the world. You were meant to live in it, fully.

Happy International Women’s Day, my loves.

And happy International Women’s Day to every woman reading this who is still unlearning, too.

If this resonates, I’d love to hear from you: what’s one thing you’re unlearning?

xo,

Trisha